Constant State of Unknowing

Mental Health

May 2

Oh, how I wish I knew what was going on with my body?

The uncertainty of

Will I be fine today?
Or
Will my body finally give out?

I live in a constant state of unknowing,
and the unknowing is causing me stress.

A vicious cycle has now become my way of life.

The only thing that I am absolutely certain about is that I’m absolutely certain about nothing.

Will the nice peaceful walk that I take to help me lose weight be the walk that I never return from?

Will the stairs I go down when I need to do laundry be too much for me to climb back up?

Will I simply be having a conversation on the phone only to never reply to the question
“Hello, hello are you still there?”

I could just sit in my chair, turn on the TV, and wait for the end.
Choosing to voluntarily quit my life.

That’s not my style though.

So,

I will continue doing what I am doing because
if I’m going out,
I’m going out living my life.

— Nicole Barden 3/22/2021

Originally published in Know Thyself, Heal Thyself on Medium

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