The situation was a clusterfuck from the moment I walked in. I could feel tension from all the individuals and it only worsened as I started asking questions.

Who had thrown the first punch? How did the tables get broken? Where were you when this was going on? Questions no one wanted to answer.

The property damage was in the thousands of dollars. The bodily damage was worse. I was looking at multiple broken noses, two teeth were laying on the bar, some guy was being tended to over by the jukebox, plus everyone seemed to be developing black eyes.

“Since no one wants to answer any of my questions and no one wants to press charges except for the bar owner, I’m deciding that there are two options. Number one, everyone puts $100 on the bar for the repairs and you get to leave, or I call for backup and everyone gets arrested.”

I knew all these guys, and I knew that for many of them this arrest would be their third strike.

“So what’s it going to be boys?” I asked while making eye contact with everyone as I scanned the room.

The guys started digging in their wallets and as they put money on the bar I let them go. Everyone had gone except for JJ and as he put two $1 bills on the bar I noticed his front teeth were missing.

JJ said, “It’s a good thing we like you Tommy, because if we didn’t we would have buried you a long time ago.”

I just smiled and said, “You best be getting home now and don’t forget to take your teeth. Also, JJ, tell mom I will be by for dinner.”

JJ shook his head as he left.

As the bar owner gathered his money he mumbled, “I’m getting too old for this shit.”

I looked him straight in the eye and said, “Maybe you should start securing the furniture to the floor.”

He grinned while he counted the money, “Nah, because then I wouldn’t have any money for gambling. You know insurance always pays well, and this is all free,” he said as he handed me half. “This is for your brother’s teeth, tell him he did a good job this time.”

— Nicole Barden 9/26/2021