Photo by Danie Franco on Unsplash

The loss of you has been so devastating

To think of how things were versus how things are

Never did I imagine that I would be here without you

Living my life without you, trying to move on without you

I’ve had so many conversations with you in my mind

You have seen me laugh, fall, and cry

The pain of never having you near me is heartbreaking

I know you left not of your own free will

Yet the void is ever so deep that crying is the only thing that gets me by sometimes

So, I cry about the good times, and that there will never be any new memories

I cry about the bad times, and the words that I would take back in a heartbeat

I cry that you aren’t hearing about my life, and that yours was cut short

Mostly, I cry because the love we shared was and is irreplaceable

You made me feel safe, you listened to me complain, you asked me to rethink my decisions, because you saw danger in my actions

But what I realize after my cry is your words are still here

I know what you would say. I know how you would respond. I know you would say hold up and take a breath.

So even though you are no longer in this realm

You are always in my heart and near my soul

— Nicole Barden 12/31/2020

Originally published in Illumination on Medium