Photo by Waldemar Brandt on Unsplash

I took a nap after I visited my mom’s grave, for some reason I was extremely tired. I’m certain the reason was it had been an emotional trip to the cemetery.

My mom had passed away going on almost 10 years now, and not a day goes by where I don’t think about her. Anyways, I was letting her know how my life had been going. I was explaining that the year had been a roller coaster or so it seemed. With all the highs and lows, I had been emotionally stable which was a very good thing.

I explained that I was just going with the flow and enjoying all the craziness that has been sent my way. I had quit my job, was trying to move to a different apartment because rent kept going up. However, moving when there is limited housing is a bitch. Also, I was upset that I couldn’t just park a camper on the property that I already owned, what type of fucked up system is that?

However, through it all I had this sense that things would work out if only I could get one of my parts, whose name is Kim, to quit telling me that I had fucked everything up and to quit laughing at me all the time.

It is awesome when you have multiple parts who are all supportive and caring, then there is just that one who fucks with you every chance she gets. Sometimes I feel like a parent, which is something that I have never wanted to be. Do you know how hard it is trying to explain why things are happening?

“I’m not certain why the landlord raised the rent so much. I know I should get a job, but I’m taking some time for my physical and mental health. No, I don’t want to light fireworks off and shoot them at cars. Why would we do that? It may sound like fun but that would surely get me arrested.” I explained all of this to my mom.

This is why I took a mini nap when I got back to my car. When I woke up Kim was saying, “What are you doing, practicing for when you get here?”

Sarcasm runs deep with this one.

— Nicole Barden 4/25/2021

Originally published in Illumination on Medium