Plenty of Time to Prepare

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

**Trigger Warning- Murder and Curse Words**

The lies and deception that played out in our marriage have worn me down to this weak paranoid person. I believed you each time you said you had to work late. I lied to myself when I smelt your clothes and the lingering perfume, I trusted that you would never do this to us. I chose to believe you time and time again.

When I saw you two interacting at that party, I knew what a fool I had been and what a great pretender you were. What you didn't know is that I followed her and I learned everything about her, and she never knew. You never knew either.

I saw you enter that motel, I listened from the room next door as you fucked her brains out, just like how you used to fuck me. It was so early when I watched you leave, I knew you had to be getting to work, so I waited.

You didn’t hear the click of the door as you snuck out. It never fully shut as I was able to stop it from closing. So, as I crawled on top of her pretending to be you, I pinned her arms down with my knees. She thought I was you and she moaned as I whispered ever so softly, “You’re so beautiful.”

While she was still sleeping, I covered her eyes before she awoke, she never even saw me. The pillow was over her face and pressure was applied. She tried to resist, but I had the upper hand, and she passed on after a few moments.

I have never killed anyone before, but I hear the only way to get better is with practice. I have a feeling that I will have plenty of time to prepare as I comfort you in these upcoming months, while you tell me just how lost you feel.

— Nicole Barden 5/14/2021

Originally published in Illumination on Medium