The words that brought me to my knee were words I had been practicing for months. I wanted to find the right time and place to ask you to be my wife, for I knew you would appreciate the attention to details. I have been checking on this ring every night before I crawl into bed. It is hidden behind my books, because I knew you would never bother looking there.

I had been thinking of how I wanted to propose when it dawned on me. We met the night of the fireworks and you enjoyed the beauty of the illuminated sky. Since that event is far-off I thought we would grab a slice of pizza from your favorite place, and then watch the sunset.

I know how much you love the pinks and purples as the sun disappears while we spin on this blue planet. It would be the perfect way to say, I will love you through the bright sunny times and when things become dark, I will always be by your side.

So it was all happening according to plan. The sun was saying goodbye for the day and the pizza was delicious as always. I had knelt down on one knee pretending my shoe came untied. I brought the ring out and was in the middle of saying how much you mean to me, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. When it all started going wrong.

I hadn’t accounted for the seagulls and when they get hungry they can become aggressive. Just as you were about to answer, a fucking seagull crapped and it landed in your hair. You screamed and began to cry. I rose to my feet and started to remove the poop from your hair.

Just as I thought the moment was ruined, in the next few minutes you were able to calm down and stop crying. As I removed the last of the poop I said, “Well at least we know if it rains shit we will be able to pull together as a team and get it all cleaned up.”

At that moment you burst out laughing. “That’s why I’m saying yes to your proposal,” she said.

“You’re saying yes?” I said excitedly. “What did I say to make you laugh?”

She looked at me with a smile and said, “You have the ability to turn a bad situation into a funny one, and you always look on the bright side of things. I know you will always try to make our world a better place.”

 — Nicole Barden 5/18/2021