As You Evolve

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash‍ ‍

How we express love is usually how we were taught to show love. If you were raised where your parents fought all the time yet stayed together, then there is a good chance you will also be in a relationship where you believe that fighting is a form of love. If you were raised in a family where the silent treatment was commonly used or you needed to prove your worth, then there is a good chance that you will believe the only way someone will love you is if you are always pleasing them. We model what we see because we haven’t been shown any differently. We tend to attract what we know because the familiarity helps us to recognize our place in the dynamic. So, if you grew up experiencing unhealthy relationships that is usually what you will return to. 

It is only when you begin to realize these relationships are unhealthy and you begin to understand exactly why you are drawn to them, will you see just how toxic they really are. Don’t be afraid to examine any relationship where you believe something is wrong. When you become aware of why you are repeating history you begin to gain knowledge and insight as to why they never seemed to feel right in the first place. This examination should be a lifelong process of any relationship you are in whether it is with friends or lovers. As you evolve on this journey of self-love and understanding so should your boundaries and your self-respect.

 —  Nicole Barden 3/19/2022