Gained Control

Photo by Parrish Freeman on Unsplash

The rage I have for you boils over into so many facets of my life.

I am short with my kids, always willing to criticize them on any infraction they make.

My wife and I fight constantly. I say I will change, but that is only to keep her at bay. She loves me enough to believe it, though sometimes I think she is becoming wise.

At work I am never wrong, it is always some dumb motherfuckers’ fault as to why things went sour. Never mine. To admit fault would be to admit that you were right. That I would never amount to anything. That I would always be a failure with a capital FAIL.

No! I will never let you see me like that.
Never let your eyes stare me down into thinking you are better than me.

I have figured you out and figured out how to block your voice.
I no longer hear you.
You no longer control me.
I’ve drowned you out with my drinks, my exercise, and my control.

I control my world.

Your world is nothing, just glass.
That is why I broke all the mirrors in this house.
You will never be able to look at me again.
I gained control the day I shattered you.

Or did I?

— Nicole Barden 1/17/2021

Originally published in iPoetry on Medium