I Don’t Understand

Photo by Rajan Alwan on Unsplash

Trigger Warning- Domestic Violence

The image of your eyes is going to haunt me forever
The anger and lust looking at me, looking through me

I scream, I shriek, I cry, I fight
Nothing I do will make you lose focus
You beat me with fist and open palm, I feel pain in my stomach from your right jab
This collapses me only for you to grab my hair and pull me to my feet

Why were you looking at him? Why were you talking to him?
What did he say to you? Why are you doing this to me?

These are all things that are yelled, I feel your spit land on my face
I would answer if you would only remove your hands from my throat
Yet those eyes burn through me, they say I am nothing

But how can that be? I was only talking to him, only saying hi
I went to school with him back in the day, I held his hand when his dad died
I was only saying hi, I tried to explain this, I tried to explain

But you were so enraged that you didn’t hear my words
If only you would remove your hands from my throat
I could tell you who he was and why I was talking to him
Except now I’m not seeing to clearly. I don’t understand.

I don’t understand why my friend’s dad is here saying it’s going to be okay now.

— Nicole Barden 1/5/2021

Originally published in Illumination on Medium